November 6, 2009
Run time
Guest starring
Talkany Big Man as Avery Johnson
UltraHyperShadow as 343 Guilty Spark
Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson
AT&T Claire as Oprah Winfrey
Talkany Little Man as Steve Jobs
LH Michael as Bill Gates
AT&T Mike as Reggie Fils-Aime
Talkany Wobbly as Pilot

"Master Chief Sucks at Rescue Missions" is the fourth episode of season 3.


44 BC
The King and Johnson speculate on how Ronald may torture Master Chief and the Arbiter should they be captured, imagining them in a disturbing McDonalds chicken dance advertisement. The King then tells past-Ronald to "do [his] thing."

Master Chief and the Arbiter dress up as Islamic terrorists and hijack a space ship that is already going to the Halo. When they reach the AI database onboard the ring, they encounter "the Governor," who is none other than Jack Thompson. Thompson explains that he asked Master Chief to kill the King as revenge for his own "death," but Master Chief instead teamed up with him. When he refuses to be reasoned with, they defeat him in a Pokemon battle. After Cortana is rebooted, Guilty Spark warns them that Ronald is about to activate the ring. The heroes arrive at the control room and begin another shootout with the Ancients; halfway through, the King and Johnson arrive and join the fray. The Arbiter shoots Steve Jobs in the head, and Master Chief wounds Ronald. Ronald then decides to activate the ring, despite Bill Gates warning that it is only at 99% charge, and as he turns the key, the episode ends.


Master Chief Sucks at Rescue Missions

Master Chief Sucks at Rescue Missions



  • Both plotlines in the episode deal with rescuing someone, hence the episode title.
  • The key Ronald uses to activate the Halo has a Windows logo on it. This references the fact that Microsoft built the ring.
  • In real life, Steve Jobs died on October 5, 2011, nearly two years after this episode aired.

Production notes

  • Cortana is listed as a main character again starting with this episode.
  • This episode was originally going to be titled "Master Chief vs the Halo." The name was changed during production, and was then used for the next episode.
  • The chicken dance scene was originally written for "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Burger King", but was delayed several times until this episode.
  • This is the first time the Sony Vegas head tracking feature has been used for something other than a fight scene.

Episode references